Hollywood’s Not So Glorious Bastards

There was an excitement when I woke up today. The new live action Jem movie trailer was released yesterday. Jem is excitement. Jem is adventure. Jem is truly truly truly outrageous, until today. In a long succession of cartoon thievery, Jem became another childhood memory bastardized by Hollywood.

Creativity has left the building. Originality, who needs it? Hollywood keeps remaking 1980’s cartoons and capitalizing on today’s parents while greedily reaching into their wallets. Adults who grew up watching these animations every Saturday hold these cartoons with high regard. They were our nostalgic youth. However,  Hollywood big wigs have massive dollar signs covering their eyes and the only original idea they can conceive is to remake 1980’s cartoons. AND RUIN THEM COMPLETELY.

Today, I watched a strong female cartoon icon be turned into an insecure teenage girl bearing a slight resemblance to Bella Swan in the first “Twilight” movie. She is sad, shy, and unsure of herself.  She is nothing like the Jem almost every girl growing up in the 80’s admired. But, why would she be? A new teenage fan base has no effin’ idea about Jem.

This target audience who Hollywood is trying to lure into paying to see this movie… well, they sure as hell have no idea about the Holograms. There is no hint, illusion, or even a brief tiny second given to the Holograms. What holograms? Is Tupac in this movie? He did the Hologram thing a few years ago. Yea, Tupac is now a hologram. Maybe that’s the hologram they are talking about when they use the title “Jem and the HOLOGRAMS.”

To the parents who remember the original cartoon, Jem was a Hologram. Her band was the Holograms. It was a projection she was able to produce to through micro-projectors in her earrings. In the late 80’s, there was Jem doll. The unique aspect that set this doll apart from Barbie was her earrings. They had lights that lit up and blinked.

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flickr.com

To every little girl who wrote Santa asking for this doll, it meant something. It meant a strong independent female. Jem was a symbol that a little girl could become something special. Inside Jem’s plain alter ego, Jerrica, was a worldwide singing sensation. Dreams could be obtained with a little magic and synergy.

The magic is gone. Synergy was only alluded to briefly in the trailer. Who needs Synergy when you have YouTube and Siri?

Today was not the first time Hollywood relied on almost 30 year old cartoons with high hopes to milk money from both a parent and their tween or teen. Transformers, G.I. Joe, and coming in 2017 will be a much anticipated “My Little Pony” movie. You heard me right, Bronies, the “My Little Pony” movie is on its way.

Behind these Hollywood films are toy companies selling out. Jem, Transformers, G.I. Joe, and My Little Pony are all owned by Hasbro. Understandably, it is hard to compete with the ultra electronic glow produced from the Playstation 4 and an iPad.

In giving away rights to movies, toy companies are trying to capitalize on our childhoods. And, they’re allowing the original ideas to be thrown on the concrete, spat upon and ground into ashes. As I saw today, there was nothing true to the actual plot based in the original “Jem and the Holograms.” They did keep the name.

Shakespeare asked the question in Romeo & Juliet, “What’s in a name?”

Money, Willie.

Big Box Office Dollars.

As for the new “Jem and the Holograms” live action movie, a key component was entirely left out, The Misfits. There is no “Jem and the Holograms” without “The Misfits.” Next, they will want to remake “Pee Wee’s Playhouse” without Pee Wee. Leaving out the main antagonists in a movie is completely disregarding the original concept. You can call the movie “Jem and the Holograms”, but it’s only a fake bastard.

There are no holograms, that Twilight-esque girl is not Jem, and this Misfit Mountain Mama is a bit pissy about the fact Hollywood chose to leave out “The Misfits”, for obvious reasons.

 

 

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5 Comments on "Hollywood’s Not So Glorious Bastards"

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nicole johnson
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Hollywood is a big ‘ol bitch and needs to stop pulling the retro sells shit and come up with some new ideas. Sorry if I sound angry, but I am way too obsessed with 80’s and 90’s pop culture to let this one go!

ashford
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I loved Jem as a child….I agree with you wholeheartedly

Bonnie Leanne
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Bruhhhh This will not stnd.

Domesticated Momster
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I feel the same way about remakes of movies from the 80’s! I loved Jem and She-Ra 🙂

Darla Halyk
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Ummm, Darling … I LOVE JEM! Nailed it, I am literally listening to the video you posted for the 3rd time! <3

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