Behind My Bedroom Door

Have you read enough? 

Probably not. I’ve got tales, stories, and memories still floating anxiously in this mind of mine. I’ve got words to string together to tell you about my love. Yet, there are many questioning one aspect behind my bedroom door.

Tonight, let’s swing the door wide open.

Allow you to smell the sweat-covered sheets. Take note of the riding crop hanging on the bedpost. The deep purple room coordinates perfectly with the satin mask laying next to the handcuffs. Velvet, silk, and cotton sashes drape over my headboard.

Have you read enough?

No?

Let me tell you about wild nights where primal instincts dictate the roughness or the softness. Where wine, beer, and liquor flow free and two people are just in love. Whatever love means.

May you spare the likes for a story about lust.

I wanted him from the first night I laid my eyes on him. I wanted him to take me. I wanted those sparks in my stomach to explode into euphoria. I wanted to touch skin and melt into a body. I got jealous when he left for what felt like an eternity to make sure an attention seeker made it home safe. Two girls vying. However, I don’t chase boys. So I let him go. See ya later. Nice meeting ya.

And he returned.

And he wanted more.

And I wanted more.

Have you read enough?

The longest we’ve been apart is three days. In 14 years years, three days to sulk and miss the other. Three days to only call, to hear a voice and that is all. In a time without FaceTime, in a day where no one texted and phones just connected two people and there wasn’t a socially organized feed to splatter our love affair on. To tell the world when I hated him or how I loved him.

He has been a great many firsts.

First sext. First GREAT BIG UNDYING LOVE. First to stay. First to make me better. First to keep me close at night. First to let me discover who I needed to become. First to fit me perfectly. First to fight me when I needed to be fought. First to not give up on me.

He is my everything that isn’t conventional.

Have you read enough?

The question you seek an answer to.. Hate to be the bearer of bad news. There are no answers here.

Behind the bedroom door is our world. Some nights, like tonight, it is my world. I sew together the words I want to expose. I’ll tell you stories and memories. I’ll give privy to the way my mind interprets the world around me.

I hope those words are enough. 

There are topics which are off-limits and when I shut our old wooden white bedroom door, I shut out the world. I shut out all around me, including the people who love me whole-heartedly. I shut out the noise. I become free within myself.

All I ever wanted, besides to be loved, is to be myself. To be free to discover who I am.

I am enough. He is enough. These words shall be enough. 

doors

 

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3 Comments on "Behind My Bedroom Door"

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Lizzi
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Gorrrgeous. Some things aren’t meant to be shared, no matter who clamours to read. Some things we get to keep just for us.

Darla Halyk
Guest

This is gorgeous, as usual.

Heidi
Guest

You have an Amazing writing style. I loved reading this. Yes, I wanted to read more 😀 Great Work!!

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