Colic Hell

I have two beliefs about Hell. The first belief is while you are in Hell you will be forced to attend a never ending spinning class, sounds pretty hellish. The second and last belief is while the doomed are spinning on the highest incline possible, there is a soundtrack looping over and over and over again playing only the cries of colicky babies. Welcome to Colic Hell. It’s not as fun as Space Mountain, trust me.

To any mother, father, or grandparent who has survived Colic Hell I say “Congratulations!” You deserve at the very least a chocolate covered medal. Because you went a month or longer without real sleep. You cried almost as much as your child did. You hurt more than your child but in the end, you survived.

They scream a lot. They tighten their hands into little fists and scrunch their legs up towards their abdomen. They are red faced from screaming so much. When not screaming, their eyes look as exhausted as you feel.

Colic is defined “as severe, often fluctuating pain in the abdomen caused by intestinal gas or obstruction in the intestines and suffered especially by babies.” So every time the little bundle of joy had to pass gas, he yelled and screamed bloody murder and then finally farted. And after he farted, there was a calm until the next fart rolled around, usually happening 10 to 15 minutes later.

Colic was buildup for us. It started out crying a little, being fussy as some would say. Then on the eve of my 32nd Birthday, colic became a full blown nightmare. It started at 9 p.m. being a little fussy. By 11 p.m. we had reached full panic scream fest. By 3 a.m. I was sobbing right along with my newborn babe. By 5 a.m. the husband finally woke up to my nervous meltdown, our baby still screaming and what I will forever remember as the worst birthday EVER. The screams lasted till 7 a.m. That’s right. We had endured the first of many red faced screaming all night marathons.

After a week of these nights, I took my son to his pediatrician only to be told what I already knew. He was colicky. She said there is really nothing we could do but ride it out. Walking out of the pediatrician’s office with my mother in law, I cussed “bullshit.” Because no baby should suffer with belly problems and no parents should be forced to “just ride it out.”

Proactively I did my research and we survived. It wasn’t easy. I am learning parenthood, although rewarding, is never easy. Challenges arise and we face them together. We spun our way through Colic Hell and you can too.

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