My Halloween Earmuffs

The spooky season brings tricks and treats. Last year, we made one epic trip which ended in a lesson I would like to share with all parents. The fall leaves had started changing to their golden orange glory. We wanted to take a trip out as a family on a nice little Saturday. It was my suggestion. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. I saw the newly opened retail space filled to the brim with seasonal signs. Spirits awaited us.

“Let’s go to the Halloween store,” saying as naivety surrounded me. Strap on the Baby Bjorn, set the baby in, and go skipping to see the costumes of the year. Maybe we will find the baby a cute little costume to wear. I am so damn gullible at times. We found more than costumes.

Opening the door, not so bad, fog machines and strobe lights. Then I see it, the props. The most messed up props a designer could create. They screamed and shrieked. They moved in a distorted fashion. No, we do not need to stop and take pictures next to these things. The baby got a glimpse before I spun him away and promptly applied the “Old School” fashioned ‘ear muffs.’


This technique saved us a traumatized 8 month old. Thank you, Vince Vaughn. You must understand, I am a ‘let’s make the best of this kind of girl.’ I dash to the baby section and found absolutely nothing. Then in the distance, I see furry hats. They are on the other side of the store. Mad sprint in a zigzag formation to avoid terrifying props. More ear muffs applied while keeping my back turned to these hideous, yet very well manufactured, animatronics. Make it to the furry hats, which delight the baby. Score one to team Mama. Then I hear the conversation between two preteen girls.

“I can be slutty super girl and you can be slutty bat girl. Let’s go try these on.”

They pick up two outfits, actually they were half outfits. They mainly lacked a bottom half. To any preteen girl reading this, those so called “costumes” are made to look like corsets. Those are not real corsets. You want a rib breaking corset, seek something whale boned and it will be heavy. By the way, I gotta ask “where the hell are your parents?”

I was so disappointed by this. Really, slutty superwoman and bat girl is the best you can do? No crime fighter would actually kick ass in these outfits. They would cause major wedgies. They are too short to deliver karate style kicks. And if you do, everyone is gonna see your va-jay-jay. The flashing of the box died with Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, and Britney Spears several years ago.

Spirit Halloween store

Fake corset with garter belts, and slutty heels. This is a Halloween costume marketed toward young girls. It’s not even original. They just stuck the bat symbol on a fake corset and attached a cape. Try building a costume. Check out some Cosplay originals. Now, those people know how to make a costume.

My lemonade was turned sour by witnessing the two preteen girls pick out costumes. I couldn’t apply ear muffs to myself and I was sad. No furry hats made me happy to visit the Halloween store. Big box retail store had terrified and disappointed me. We have a locally owned and operated Halloween store in our town called Magic Makers.

I have visited this Halloween store since I was a child and I had hoped to capture some of that magic with my son. It was not found in those Halloween stores that only come to town like firework stands near the 4th of July. The spirit is captured at the original. It is captured at a place where props are not made to terrify their customers but they are family friendly and owned by local residents. And they are opened all year round. They know what they are doing. I will still take my son to the Halloween store but it will be the same store my Mama took me to. And I won’t have to ear muff him or me while we visit this place.

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2 Comments on "My Halloween Earmuffs"

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Charli Mills
Oh, Rachel I’m so sorry for your disappointing experience, but you have me both laughing and grumbling! Halloween used to be my favorite holiday. It was the one day a year that all the kids in my county came to the tiny town where I lived. The Forest Service station hosted a hot dog roast and we all paraded downtown in costumes we made. It was so fun and creative–even the scary costumes. I can’t sew to save my life, but that never stopped me from making my kids’s costumes until they were old enough to fashion their own. Tick-o-treating… Read more »
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