If You Marry Again…

Young women will make lists. They will try to make some understanding in what kind of man will be the upmost effective match for them in marriage, love and partnership. Those lists will evolve as they grow wiser with age. Detailing the person they once were compared to the person they’ve become. The kind of person they used to desire expands into a final stabilized concrete foundation.

A girl rewrites her own list thereby setting the past ablaze and embracing the future.
If you marry again, find a man who:

  1. Respects You. Would never want to see you be made a fool. Wouldn’t make you a joke for his own amusement. Would put you on the same level as any of his male counterparts. Respects your strength, your determination, your sheer ability to survive.
  2. Supports You. Wants to see you succeed. Doesn’t tear you down. Doesn’t believe your success hinders his own ability because you are not his rival. He believes in you. He believes in you THE MOST. Your biggest cheerleader. Not your biggest obstacle.
  3. Doesn’t Bankrupt You Either Financially or Emotionally. Each partner works generally as hard as the other because you are equals. One doesn’t give everything and has nothing while the other lives in an abundance, spending lavishly on gifts for themselves. You see each other as an investment in love, and these assets are a bank making up a fair and equitable home.
  4. Shares A Belief in Faith. Not entirely, as each person is free to believe in their own version of God. But when you are at your lowest, rockbottom point begging for understanding from your God, a partner will not coldly look at you and say, “There is no God in this world.” These words do not provide peace or comfort. They are only spoken to exasperate a further desperate situation. As you respect their belief in nothing, the same respect should be given in your belief of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost.
  5. Is Loyal and Faithful. They cherish none above you. You are the sole admiration of their affection and desire. They should understand that when they destroy your belief in fidelity, that when you walk in and catch your partner with their pants down, they’ve left a hole in you. A soul crushing, gaping hole where your heart once was. You have forgiven transgressions before, but there are only so many times a heart can break before it shatters all trust. If they respect you, they wouldn’t want to test how many times they can make you feel inferior to others.
  6. Embraces Your Individuality. You are not like other girls. You are different with your abilities and those are the things which make you YOU. These are the traits which should be admired. A partner shouldn’t try to have you medicated because these gifts are not like the others who came before you. A lover should accept all of you, not prefer the zombie-half shell version of you.
  7. Stands Up for You. Partners shouldn’t have to fight alone. They are a team. Facing a world alone is a hard task to tow. Face the world together as an alliance. A partner should be your greatest ally, not your biggest enemy.

Over the years, a list changes. Little by little a list of desirable traits in a partner is skimmed down to the basics.

If I could seek one thing in today’s world, it is love. The world needs more love. More patience. More kindness. More fairness. More balance. More fine.

I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in the moment this order’s tall
And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind
And in the morning I’ll be with you
But it will be a different kind

Bon Iver, Skinny Love

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Kristen Hewitt
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YES to all of these. Sharing everywhere!

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