One of the posts I enjoyed writing the most last year was a review of “Oprah’s Favorite Things”, titled Rich People Christmas. I never knew what kind of things ‘rich people’ bought for Christmas until I read Oprah’s suggestions. They buy things like $400 copper mugs and gold headphones with a matching pill box speaker as well as mismatched earrings. So, I let the Misfit out and am ready to review Oprah’s Favorite Things for this year.
Author’s note: I am not reviewing every item on her list because that is time consuming. Her list is 93 items, that’s quite a bit. I will only review the first 24 items. You’ll probably get the hint after that. Last year, Oprah put a lot of ‘rich people’ stuff on her favorite things list. Or companies may buy their way onto her list, who really knows these things? Let’s see the big winners this year!
1. Deep Dish Cherry Pie for the not so low price of $60. It’s a $60 pie. Maybe because the pie is ‘deep dish’ they can charge triple the price. My husband likes Key Lime pies, you can purchase them in the frozen section at most grocery stores for about $5 to $6. If I am paying $60 for any dessert, there had better be tiers and buttercream frosting. I don’t see any tiers or buttercream frosting on this pie. All I see is some fancy lattice work and crust. I don’t like pie crust. Mainly I scrape out the filling in a pie and eat it. Maybe there’s jewelry hidden in the pie, that’s why it’s $60. Maybe it’s a SURPRISE PIE! Here’s a picture of the $60 pie.
2. Custom Pet Ornaments. These actually aren’t poorly priced at only $24, but I don’t think your animal can read. So you can get a pet ornament with your animal’s name on it and hang it on your tree. However, the animal doesn’t know they have their own engraved ornament because they can’t read. If you have an animal that can read, that’s pretty neat.
3. I like the Modern Sprout Garden Jar 3-Pack a lot. You get three for $54, which is almost reasonable for a self-watering herb garden. Plus, they remind me of one of my favorite movies, Back to the Future II. In the movie, herbs come down from this pod thing out of the ceiling and the mom picks them. This is like the same idea except they are in mason jars and not floating down from your ceiling. Mason jars are super trendy. We use mason jars where I’m from, we put moonshine in them. We also pickle things and use them for canning things we grow in our gardens. But Oprah picked colored mason jars and they grow herbs, and somehow water themselves. Maybe these won’t die like all my other houseplants.
4. Here is where Oprah gets back to the root of all evil that is her Favorite Things. Coming in at #4 is a stupid tablet holding bag costing $425. At first, I kept asking does it come with a tablet? No, the SKITS Providence Brilliant Tablet and Cords Shoulder Bags is just a tiny ass bag to hold your tiny ass tablet and some cords. It’s lame. Oprah likes it in white and she says, “it’s pretty and practical.” No stupid tiny tote bag is practical with a price tag of $425. You done and drank the rich water again, Oprah.
5. Light Up Marquee Letters that spell words like “HOPE” and “LOVE” and “KIND”. They are available at QVC.com for $32. I am not sure if you get the set, or if that’s $32 a letter. From all indications, you get complete words. Score! You could get two words and mix and match the letters to spell other words like “PEE” or “DOPE” or “VINE”. Be creative. These are on sale and are affordable. QVC will let you make payments unlike that overpriced hand tote up there.
6. If you happen to have bought the metallic puffer vest, I can see you coming from a mile away. Are these in style? Are people paying $60 for metallic puffy vests? I was completely unaware of this trend. Hey, at least you don’t eat your shimmering metallic vest like the pie up there. You can spend $60 and have something to show for it. You own a puffy, loud, metallic vest. The pie and the vest cost the exact same amount of money. One you eat and will eventually poop out. The other item you can wear and possibly glow in the dark. Don’t attempt to eat your puffy vest, that’s weird. You will get a belly ache.
7. At this point, I think whoever made this list took some Ambien and drank a lot of wine. Looking at you, Oprah. #7 on our Favorite Things is an Amazon ad. Like for real, there is a sponsored ad on the Favorite Things List. I am so confused. This has never happened. I clicked forward thinking I could bypass the ad and would see the real #7. Nope, it went to #8. I guess we have to move on. #7 is an Amazon ad and it’s FREE. One free ad on the Favorite Things List.
Sometimes, I look at my husband and say, “the world is probably about to end.” If he was here right now, I would tell him, “Oprah put a freakin ad on her Favorite Things List. The world’s about to end.” He would look at me with a deeply confused face and say “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” And I would reply, “Me either, how does one claim an ad as a favorite thing?” This conversation would be followed by awkward silence. Let’s take a moment for some awkward silence at whatever the hell #7 is on Oprah’s Favorite Things List. Deep breath, inhale and now… exhale. WTF, Oprah? Moving on.
8. Oooooh, Matching Jammies, I like these a whole big bunch! My husband will hate these. My son will probably hate them too. But I LIKE THEM! Nothing says we love each other more than wearing matching outfits and sleeping in the same exact clothing except in different sizes. You can get these from Burt’s Bees and they cost $13 to $40. My Mom used to dress my little sister and me alike. Because it was freakin adorable. I don’t have any pictures of me and my sister dressed alike, but if I did I would totally post it now! Here are the cute matching pjs instead. I should add that now is one of those times where I can hear my husband fussing, “you spent $100 on pajamas!” Yea, if you have family size of 3 to 4, you’re probably going to spend near a hundred bucks to wear these cuties.
9. We really hit a home run with the matching pjs, right? No, not really? I didn’t think so. It’s okay, because Oprah gets back to the rich people stuff. #9 is some kind of high tech fitness bracelet by Jawbone costing $180. I don’t want to know my fitness. If I cared that much about fitness, I would walk my bum the block over and go swimming at my gym. I’m going to guess I shouldn’t swim in this bracelet. I should add that I don’t need a bracelet to track my sleep habits, I know they suck. I sleep on and off 5 hours a night. So I can’t swim in this weird Sci-Fi contraption and I’m willing to admit I don’t sleep great. Why do I want spend $180 on one of these? Plain and simple, I don’t want to. But here they are, they come in pretty colors.
10. Some grapefruit smelling body gel and lotion. Oprah says the Hesperides Grapefruit Bath & Shower Gel and Body Lotion Set “smell absolutely delicious.” I guess if you like smelling like a breakfast fruit, then you’re in luck! On Oprah.com, they are priced at $45 but on Fresh.com, you can purchase one bottle for $20. Either way, you smell fresh and it’s made with shea butter and stuff. It’s bath stuff. If you check Oprah’s #7 Amazon ad, you’ll find like a gazillion bath products on Amazon.
11. Letters to my… That’s what #11 is called. It’s a little book you can personalize with letters to people you love. Or I guess you can send them to people you don’t like, it’s up to you. They are only $14.95 before shipping. And you only get the book, you still have to write your letters once the book arrives. This sounds like a lot of work, Oprah. She says, “What a partner wants to know is how you really feel.” I can’t sugar plum fairy this. He knows, Oprah. I wear my heart on my sleeve. He knows how I feel pretty much at all times. He reads this awesome blog called The Misfits of a Mountain Mama, written by yours truly. He knows. I’ll skip the letter book. It’s a nice thought, and it’s cheap.
12. This looks like a giant paint set for my son. It’s really The Ultimate Lacquer Wardrobe, and it’s an Oprah exclusive, whatever that means. My son grabbed my most expensive nail polish a few months back, now his rocking horse has a permanent red painted seat. Oprah’s exclusive Lacquer Wardrobe costs $150. I’m sure some ladies may love all these colors. I just see things being painted in my house by a two year-old. I’m not spending $150 on a paint set for my son.
13. You know that ugly purse you hide in the top of your closet, guess what? It made Oprah’s Favorite Things! If you own the NYC Weekender purse, I’m sorry. I don’t like it. Mainly because it costs $155. This is probably cheap for a purse, I don’t spend extravagantly on purses. They hold things like gummy snacks, sippy cups, Goldfish crackers, and work things. I carry at least three pens and two small notebooks in my purse. They’re normally ruined in a week with pen marks or spilled juice. Here is what a NYC “Weekend Purse” looks like. I’ve never been to New York City, so I have no comment if this is the kind of purse you should carry on weekends in New York City. Where I’m from, you have two purses: your everyday purse and your church purse. Church purses are usually nicer than everyday purses. Here is the NYC purse:
14. IMAX Confetti Three Piece Book-Box Set. Oh my gawd, that was mouthful. Basically it’s three clothed covered boxes for $52. If you like boxes, then Oprah does too and put them on her list. I like to steal Priority Mail boxes from the post office. Technically, it’s not stealing because they’re free.
15. Knives. $150 knives. They aren’t Cutco or anything. They are called “Skandia Talvi Knife Block Set”. They are stainless steel and come with a wooden block. If you have kids, may I suggest you read “The Helping Chair“, and remember to put these knives on your highest shelf. I would guess since they cost $150, they’re probably razor sharp.
16. Andre Walker Hair Experience Kit priced at only $20. What she isn’t telling you is the featured image must be the travel size. If you click on the link provided, it takes you to Amazon.com and there is no set available. Fibber. Here is what the picture looks like on her website, but I couldn’t seem to find the $20 set on Amazon.
17. A bamboo tiered box filled with salt. It’s called Thomas Keller’s Ad Hoc Salt Cellar. It looks about as tiny as that expensive hand purse up there. Last Easter, my mother asked where I bought my giant container of Sea Salt. I told her and all our dinner guests, “I got it at the witchcraft store. I only paid $7 for it.” Everybody at the dinner table stared at me and didn’t say anything. But, I bet my mom was glad I didn’t pay $52 for salt in a bamboo box. Oprah uses french words to describe her favorite salt.
18. LuMee Case. It’s a phone case with extra lighting. It costs $50. Basically it will provide “warm glow” to the pictures you take with your phone. It’s a phone case with a light. If that’s what makes you happy, then get one and take brightly warm pictures.
19. $98 sweaters that say “I love Sundays”. I don’t love Sundays enough to wear a sweater that I shelled out $98 plus shipping for. In fact, I don’t love any day of week to pay $98 for a sweater telling the world that I love a certain day of the week. But if you do, here’s a picture of Sunday loving v-neck sweaters.
20. Fashionista Barbie. These are $10 and described as multicultural. That’s pretty neat and affordable. I used to cut all my Barbies’ hair. I would still do that if someone gave me a Barbie for Christmas. I would buy a crimper and crimp her hair too. That’s how I roll with Barbie. #Retro
21. Expensive-ass makeup brushes. They are handcrafted. My son thinks all my make-up brushes are paint brushes. These Hakuho-do + Sephora Pro Kan Kabe Perfection Brush Set cost $148. Told ya, expensive-ass make-up brushes.
22. OH FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY! It’s another ad for Amazon! These are not favorite things, Oprah! These are ads! I know an ad when I see an ad. That’s an ad for Amazon. It even says, “Sponsored Content.” I knew people paid to make this list, I just knew it! At least try to disguise your ads. This is pretty blatant. You have two ads in your top 25 Favorite Things. Two. Not One. But TWO!
23. This was on last year’s Favorite Things List, Oprah. You just changed the flowers. It’s the same exact company that Oprah listed last year. Seriously, these flowers in a box cost $189 (the same price as they were last year.) Were they a best selling item last year? I’m going to pick flowers from the neighbors’ gardens and stick them in a box and sell them for $50. Hahaha, I will undercut your fancy flowers in a box. I wouldn’t really do that, I like my neighbors and their flowers. Here is what $189 High Camp Vine and Bloom Box look like.
24. T-fal OptiGrill priced at $180. It’s a little grill that is dishwasher safe. NICE. I don’t grill. I tried to once and the flame shot out and burnt the hair off my arm. It smelled real bad. This would have been neat to have when I was in college. And we’ve reached the end of my Oprah’s Favorite Things 2015.
There’s still some rich people stuff included on Oprah’s Favorite Things List, however there is some stuff which is also affordable. Either way, it’s just stuff. Christmas isn’t made by the gifts under your tree. A great author once described Christmas perfectly, and as we go into the Holiday season I would like to remember his words.