Who’s to say we should wear metallic-shining armor suits? I do not own one.
They say, “Toughen up. Get use to the hurt.”
I say, “No, you cannot condition me to not feel.”
Tough skin, I do not have. I am paper thin. I will forever wear my paper allowing my tears, blood, sweat, and intestines to drip openly for all to see. I write free. I write to bleed. Transparent wax paper is my skin. There are very few words not causing a stain, only a few do not internally bleed through.
The words I’m about to write do not matter if you are tough or thin. They are written for me, and by me. THEY ARE MINE.
You told me I wasn’t good enough. My ability would never be enough.
You promised me empowerment. Then, you said my husband would offer redemption.
You stripped away my only God-given talent.
You left me crying for an hour in my oak stained rocking chair at 3 a.m.
You rejected me without cause or provocation time and time again.
You changed me, from my voice to the thoughts. I wanted to fit in.
You made me question why I was writing, who I was writing for, if my words would ever be enough?
You shredded a vulnerable part inside myself.
These are the things you are: hurtful, manipulative, controlling, and demanding. Filled to the brim with empty promises. Come learn, you taunt. Come be a part of us. We are special. We are the divine.
This is I:
I am paper thin.
I am emotional and I cherish the ability to still feel.
I am the person lending a helping hand.
I am not causing tears.
I am not void.
I am not shallow.
I am not deemed better by petty merits.
I am not in need of a crowd to give meaning to my life.
I am capable of falling but I know how to pick myself up.
I will cry beside my fellow man. I will hurt when they hurt. I will feel when they feel.
I AM THE PAPER THIN.
To any person who is told to grow a thicker skin, you don’t need to change. Your skin is beautiful exactly the way you were made. I would rather be thin, emotional, and transparent than to be calloused over with an ugly dryness. I lead my journey with a kind heart.
Change is imperative and pertinent. Adaptation to bring future success is a brilliant adventure. To evolve, to become more than the person you are today, shouldn’t involve be broken down to nothing. You were spectacular upon creation. You were made with purpose and intention. I am thankful to be made paper thin.
I FEEL EVERYTHING.
It is truly a magnificent and wonderful part to my existence,
MY ABILITY TO FEEL.