I have been breaking my first rule of parenting A LOT this week. I am magically planning how every moment of vacation will be. I am building things up in my head knowing they will not turn out as pictured. I do this more than I probably know about and way more than I will ever admit. In my head is this image:
Except we have a little blonde hair boy, not a little girl. And damn, don’t I look skinny in this picture and my husband is super fit and tan. Wow, this really is a great little family pic of us running in our white clothes with not a stain anywhere. Yea, this isn’t us. We get stains. We get dirty. We sure as hell probably won’t ever hold hands and run through the surf. We, mainly me, also cuss a lot.
Yea, the images I get in my head rarely ever come true. And it is okay. This week I am stressing myself the fuck out because I want a perfect first family vacation. Here is a little selfie.
Well at least I am having a fabulous hair day while I worry about how magical our vacation is going to be and all the shit I forgot to pack. And worry about the extremely long car ride. And did I pack enough snacks? Did I pack the little man’s toothbrush? I only brought 5 sippy cups, I hope that is enough. I gained three pounds before going on vacation, I am going to look like a turquoise beached whale in designer sunglasses. I hope some of my new mom clothes look hot.
I have been going with this kind of thought dialogue for about 3 months now. And I’m fucking exhausted. I need a vacation from preparing to go on vacation.
Rewind. Rewind three months ago. Let go of the negative thoughts. Put on your big girl mom panties and say fuck it. Life is never going to be perfect. I can’t plan perfection. Savor the moments in which we are given and quit trying to turn every minute into a Hallmark card Kodak moment. It already is, stains and all. It is already perfect. We are a family going together to one of my most favorite cities. We will feel sand in our toes and things may not look like what I imagined in my head but they will be the memories I am blessed with and they will be AWESOME. Remember to be in the moment and be grateful for the moment.
Besides, the toddler doesn’t know what perfection looks like or how things are suppose to be, so in theory it will be perfect to him anyways? Right? Ah shit, he’s only 16 months…will he even remember this trip anyways?
Note to self, you need to have a few of these. This is vacation. PLEASE, BEACH HOUSE, HAVE A BLENDER.