Tag: Marriage

They Call Us Crazy

He likes me when I’m on mute. When I agree and nod, letting his stories bolster a self esteem we both know doesn’t exist. He likes me swallowing pills. Regulated by their chemicals, delicately balancing forth the rage and upheaval created in memories. I don’t have the control over the memories. The tiny shrapnel stuck eternally in my crevasses. I…

The Dead Ends

The box tells me the color is ‘Rose Gold’. It permeates those strong salon fumes, a bleaching chemical smell. I let it sit an extra 10 minutes. My hair grabs red, at least these are the words hairdressers have told me throughout my lifetime. Picks it up. Fast. Won’t let go. I wash and condition. Take my skinny comb and…

Burn The Bed

I want to burn my bed. Yes, the entire white queen sized bed. All of it. Poof. Gasoline. Flames. I’d smile. I’d grin. I’d rejoice at watching THAT bed burn. Alas, I’m not strong enough to drag it downstairs. The headboard is heavy. The mattress is awkward. The box spring won’t bend. There are stairs. I certainly can’t set it…

A Thousand Little Cuts

Netflix is the only noise breaking through the silent room. The man on the Netflix original series, Mindhunter, says the words: “Marriage is a thousand little cuts.”  I speak out. I agree with him. Bloodletting love where we go into a relationship completely naive and our eyes are closed. We wear a veil for a reason, because the truth isn’t…

And She Wrote On…

She stopped writing. No rhyme. No real reason. She stopped, because it’s the one thing she could control; those words. Her legs are shaking, they tremble with unknown fear. The leaves are crunching as a junkie coughs and walks down the alley next to her house. Let. It. Go. It’s all dying away….           The dead season is…

15 Years His Wife: The End

I’ve danced long enough with metaphors and hints. I circled and paced, eating my hands bloody. The truth is not beautiful and I will not give you splendid adjectives along with breathtaking scenery tonight. My time has come. Let me out of this cage, I rage. You’ve read the good. The facade, and as I type these words I realize…

Happy Anniversary?

Wake up to the Facebook reminder. Six years of saying, “I love you. Happy Wedding Day Anniversary! You are my Everlong.” I even made a wedding video a few years back featuring all the songs played during our wedding ceremony. I included pictures and love quotes. I watched it this morning on the Facebook. Then I said, “Fuck you, Facebook.…

Life’s Low Blows

 I yell at my God, “Am I not strong enough?”  A year ago, I held the world by successful dreams I’d once thought impossible. I’d opened the oyster and, thought for the first time ever, I finally plucked a pearl. I had made my dream publications. A piece I wrote had gotten picked up by every publication I’d admired. It…

Are We Not Exhausted?

Monday is the worst day. Monday is marriage counseling day. Monday, my husband and I go into another world. It feels decades removed from where we live today. The smell is musty like a morgue for dead marriages. Maybe some has survived, but I can’t get a comforting sense there’s been a lot of success in the room with opposing…

3… 2… 1… Reconciliation.

Three: A child, a mother, and a father are a family. The child, barely 4 years-old, can’t understand why their home is suddenly turned upside down, and shaken brutally like a snow globe. The white flakes covering each person. No one can walk comfortably or unscathed inside the bubble. Tip. Toe. Eggshell. There is sadness in their lives. It’s the…

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