Two Questions One Answer

A few years ago I asked a question. What is two girls one cup? If you don’t know what it is, don’t go looking. JUST DON’T DO IT. My ears were assaulted by the answer. My mind is still haunted in the fact that two fame whores would go to such an extent and post such filth on the internet. I am aware there is probably far worse done before their stint with shit. And it has probably been followed with even more shittier shit. Sometimes, there is an answer. The answer I wish to have been told is “it’s none of your business.” But they put it on the internet and everyone was talking so I made it my business when I asked the awful question.

 Lately there isn’t much filth I let filter in. I don’t seek it either. But I am confronted by questions where the simple answer is “it’s none of your business.” Two questions have affronted my modesty. Strangers find it okay to ask these questions. It is not okay. 

1. Did you breast or bottle feed? Wait a second, let me look at something. 

Oh, those fun bags are still attached to me. Who knew?! Yes, I had a child and what I chose to do with my breasts are my business. Simple answer, “it’s none of your business.” No, you can’t shame me because we chose a bottle. In fact, some women are never given the choice and I am one of those. So let me shame you for asking a personal question.  Because the simple answer is “it’s none of your business.” Now if you happen to stumble upon me being all “There Will Be Blood” like and giving my son a whiskey bottle, then yes, please society ask personal questions. 

This scene is screaming to ask personal questions. Wonder if he breast or bottle fed? 

The second question I am hearing more and more of every day because my son is at a certain age where strangers in the grocery store deem it appropriate to ask. 

2. Are you planning to have another baby or when are you planning to have another one? It’s really the same damn question either way. The “misfit” in me wants to answer like this:

“Well I have this app on my phone that tracks my ovulation so let me just pull it out and track my handy dandy menstrual cycle and I will let you know when my husband and I plan on doing the deed. Give me a minute to pull the app up. Damn phone takes forever. By the way, I am Pisces and my husband is a Scorpio. You should totally Google how great our chemistry is. It’s probably the best EVER!” 

The truth and the honest answer is I got fixed. I can’t have anymore kids. I wasn’t supposed to get pregnant and carry the cute little bundle of joy people are suddenly ignoring. They ignore him only because they are so interested in when I will breed my next cutie patootie. 

And the last time I checked, people usually make babies by:

Being intimate. Yes, I know there are other ways to conceive but it is a private matter. It is not something I want to discuss openly with strangers in the grocery store. The answer to this question is the same as the answer before, “it’s none of your business.” So let me shame you again for asking a personal question and you will hear the answer. “No, I have one kidney and would like to be there when my son grows up so I have decided to not have anymore children. God has blessed me with one miracle.”

Sometimes it is small talk. I am guilty of asking the second question and the minute the words puked out of my mouth, I wished they could be returned. In much the same fashion when I asked a few years about those disgusting two girls. There was only one answer I wished to have heard “it’s none of your business.” Because the truth is I didn’t want to hear the real answer.   

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