When He Loves Her More Than You

When he loves her more than you…
He protects her in a way he would’ve never protected you. Guards her name and shields her psyche from the pain you’re forced to feel every moment, whether you’re asleep or awake. No matter the time of day or night, you’re in excruciating pain. He won’t allow her to feel THAT pain, to encounter the anger and sadness manifested in their adulterous union. The unholy trinity of devastation birthed in betrayal, hurt, and heartache. He hides her in his safe place, covering her with your favorite blanket. Because you don’t exist to curl up under its rainbow colors anymore.

When he loves her more than you…
He invites her into your home. The one you picked out of a listing on the internet. The one you begged him to go see. The one you both ran around in, and wondered what you’d do with all THAT room. The home you furnished with new couches and love-seats. She stretches out across the furniture you bought. She hugs your child and pretends he is hers. This is her home now. She is just waiting for the “wife” to clean out her new closet. She has new decorating plans. New clothes to hang on your hangers.

When he loves her more than you…
He takes her to take to Rocco’s Italian Restaurant, the restaurant you begged him to take you to since you first started dating. You had always imagined the two of you sitting and enjoying a bottle of wine, talking and laughing. You would be wearing a new dress, bought special for the evening, accented with high black Nine West heels. Makeup perfectly placed highlighting happiness. At the end of the evening, there would be love-making. In the morning, there would be nakedness hanging onto early morning happily ever-afters.

When he loves her more than you…
He easily forgets you. Forgets tomorrow is your birthday. Forgets to ask if you wanted anything special. Forgets you were born. She exists and her birthdate is more important than yours. You were always the unlucky Friday the 13th baby, born in the last Piscean lifetime. You’re the fluttering ash in the fireplace to be swept away, a spec of dust wiped out of the corner of his mind. She is new. She doesn’t carry the 15 years of marital baggage. Or the bags sunken deep under her eyes from too many nights spent crying over him. He’ll remember to make reservations for her at the brunch place on Mother’s Day. He’ll remember her, while you become the old trash thrown out and picked up by anyone who’d just deal with you and remove you from his life.

When he loves her more than you…
They go see “Logan” together. She gets that extra ticket to see Roger Waters come May. She gets to sit next to him and share a soda together. They toast their beers to their new happiness. He takes her out for drinks and he talks to her. He asks her about things she likes. About her hobbies. About her day, and he shows genuine care for her answers. He cares about her job because she makes more money than you. She can take better care of his struggling finances. She can provide more. Be more. Love more. Buy nicer presents. She’ll give him better vacations to more exotic places, maybe even overseas. Take him back to London where he’s been itching to go back to for awhile now. She’ll buy him a nicer Christmas with more presents under the tree bearing his name. Hang more of the art he likes to see. The prints you wouldn’t waste money on because your son needed a haircut or new shoes.

When he loves her more than you…
You have to learn love yourself more than they love each other. You have to become the best partner you can be to yourself. You have to believe “all this is happening for a reason and you just don’t understand it yet, but one day it will make sense.” You have believe the people who tell you how much happier in a year you will be. You have to hang thin lines of hope on uncertain futures, on your own unknown tomorrow. You have re-organize every part of your life. You have to live with your mom. You are thankful to have at least one spot in her back bedroom where you can lay alone with the constant hurt-filled thoughts while tears stream endlessly down your cheeks. You hang on to the friends who message you, making sure you’re okay. They know you’re not. They know your life has been ripped open. Your heart is a shell cracked and fried on a too hot skillet.  It’s streaming emptiness and sadness. It is grieving and mourning a once-thought forever love. Your heart is saying ‘goodbye’ to a person that probably never was the person you thought him to be. You have to learn his words were only lies. And he loves her more than you.

But, you are learning your own strength, how much power resides inside of your body, heart, and soul: your true fortitude. You’re learning how to love yourself. You’re learning how to live hour by hour. You’re learning that you never needed his fake love because you have real love in your heart. 

 

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10 Comments on "When He Loves Her More Than You"

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beowulfsabrina
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Gotta say its been a year and do I feel better? Marginally at best. That’s the truth. Do I cry every single moment of every day? Not anymore. Is he my first thought in the morning and my last at night? YES. So a little better. But I still don’t know what the reason was that I had to endure 26 yrs of marriage only to be discarded like I was a box of old rags.

Nina
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I’m reading back. I’m appreciative of your strong words.

Rae
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I’ve been in a similar situation. Two years ago, my husband lost his brother in a horrific semi vs pedestrian accident (most likely suicide). Obviously our hearts were broken for the family he left behind – 3 kids, a France, & 2 young step sons. We lived 5 hours away & barely knew this woman, but she was his widow so she mattered. She wanted to come stay with us for a few weeks during the summer, a plan we had made with my late brother in law so I gladly scooped my nieces & we took them to the… Read more »
Guest
Guest

It’s terrible to find out the man you loved is a selfish lying jerk. He’s shown what he is. Why would anyone want him?

Kelly
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This happened to me. I know your pain. I’m only 7 months from feeding out. I think all these same thoughts constantly everyday. It’s exhausting and I’m sick of it. He and she don’t deserve to be thought of that much. My self esteem shot through the roof after finding out. That seems the opposite of what should happen and usually does happen. What did this was instantly knowing”I was the better person all along.” I always put him on a pedestal. I always thought so well of him. I was always the better person in the relationship and as… Read more »
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